Sunday, January 26, 2014

Weekly Grab Bag Becomes a Thing, Bellows a Mighty Victory Screech

Firstest and Foremostest:

Like most other faux-important persons/liars in this world, I'm very busy during the week. Thus, "Weekly Grab Bag" is my concerted effort to put out at least one piece per week, every Sunday if this all goes according to plan (it won't).

TITLE BREAKDOWN: 'Weekly' derives from the Old English 'wice' [which is generally associated with a change or alteration of some antiquated time measurement, like lunar cycles] and the Old English suffix 'lic' [meaning "having qualities of]. 'Grab Bag' means grab bag. A hypothetical bag whence we might grab topics of discussion. Not sure why I have to explain this to you, you're an Internet-using adult, go figure it out.


Pictured: me blogging, Internet-style.
Only this: I won't be able to cover things in-depth and with what some would consider "proper vocational training" like the pros at, say, mgoblog or Maize n Brew - both of whom provide excellent analysis, information, and reporting, as well as some stylistic influence for yours truly.
So, I'll do things like cover the general goings-on from the past week, or do a thinkpiece (read: stinkpiece) about some issue, or rant about a sports thing/stuff that concerns or entertains me, or something completely non-sports related because sports seriously aren't everything, you guys, or, y'know, anything encompassed by that all-encompassing Grab Bag phrase.

And away...we......GO



Your 2013-2014 Michigan Men's Basketball Team's past week included but was not limited to:
-Beating three Top 10-ranked Big Ten teams
-Winning at Wisconsin's Kohl Center (so named for the upscale U.S. department store chain, maybe?) for the first time since Bill Clinton Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman
-Beating a rejuvenated Iowa team that featured the aptly named Aaron White, and  somewhat began to heal the festering open wound that was Borgespalooza @ Iowa 2013
-Winning at the Breslin Center, often referred to as The CenturyLink Field of basketball arenas in Michigan (for those uneducated, both venues house extremely volatile home crowds. The Izzone is no joke...well, mostly anyway
-Beating MSU for the 5th time in seven meetings
Kinda cool?

But for seriously, after a rough out-of-conference schedule that featured losses to very quality teams in Arizona, Duke, and Iowa State, the Wolverines hit their stride during a brutal stretch this past week. They're not out of the proverbial woods yet, and will see another such stretch soon (@Iowa, @The Thad Matta All Stars, then home games with Wisconsin and the Mighty Morphin' Tom Izzos), but for now, this team can lay claim to 1st place in the B1G quite soundly.

In-Game Tweet Vomit: The Sparty Party Edition
Twitter is a horrible atrocity which will ultimately bring about societal doom, but in the meantime sometimes it's good and sometimes a fun way to keep a running diary of sports-induced emotional roller coasters. Tweets during the game can be more telling than post-game analysis, or they can just be incredibly stupid. I don't know man, I just write the stuff.

Final Silvery Wisps of Thought for the Basketball Pensieve
Harry Potter reference game SKRAWNG
-Gary Harris is the best player in the Big Ten and he solidified it with possibly his best game ever. Hot damn. Dude shot the lights out and played some of the best on-ball defense I've seen. I don't know how much that's worth, since I'm an amateur basketball analyst at best, but still, well done, sir. On the other hand...
-John Beilein develops talent. See: Burke, Trey; Hardaway, Tim; Walton, Derrick; Stauskas, Nik, etc. We've all had our frustrations with his system or team streakiness from time to time, but these past two years have proven that when he gets talent, he knows how to handle it. Next year will be a bigtime test when he loses Jordan Morgan and presumably  any or all of GRIII, (please God no) Stauskas, and (please God no) Mitch McGary.
-Referees are bad and also not good. Analysis of referees is never without bias. With that in mind: I think both sides would agree the Breslin Bash was atrociously officiated. Whatever basketball rules are, they were enforced sporadically and with great whimsy by an officiating crew that had ceased to care long ago.

Years later, we'll sit around, telling old wives' tales of Roundball Contests Upon the Maplewood Courts of Yore, and the Atrocities of the Athletic Arbiters. Some of us, memories askew, will cry:
"Those sports moderators were stricken sightless!"
And lo, the oldest and wisest among us will assert with righteous indignation:
"The adjudicators you blather on never were. 'Twas thine own ocular failure."

Weekly 'Crootin' Whatnot

I've prepared some Recruiting Haikus for recent events in the football recruiting world.
Ladies and gentlemen, Madams et Messeurs, Damen und Heren, Senoras y Senores, I present to you: Haikruting.
Decommit? Okay.
Trust in The Nuss to guide you
Damien Harris

It's unfortunate
Anger's a dangerous flame
May peace find Jayru

A fourth star for Chase
Stolen from Bryan Mone?
Fickle ol' Rivals

So "Stars don't matter"
Except when you want them to?
Now State wants Malik

[EDIT: additional Dawson Haiku by request]
*slaps a table with great force*'re broken

RichRod's greatest trick
Was convincing us we'd love
Class of 2010

Since Michigan's 2010 Class officially reached 19 members worth of attrition out of a possible 27 (blargh), I think that's a good one to end on for this week.

Your Weekly Supplement

Take three of these and call me next Sunday.
"Win The Game" narrowly beat out "Play Sports"
L to R: "Up there!" "No, down here!" "BOTH!" "My neck!"
The StausKiss of Death


  1. This is awesome hah. All the way around awesome.